The Age of Adaline
I watched this movie last night, and I loved it.
I liked the concept of never growing old figuratively; always being energetic, always learning…
And being so self-assured that nothing could faze me. ☺️
Also, I liked how he pursued her and how he loved her.
(Of course, things went pretty fast, but the whole, “Nothing makes sense without her” thing is quite…amazing.)
I want something like that in my life.
(and not this thing that is happening to me recently. I want to be wooed.)
It came to me like an epiphany.
Or maybe it may have been a long time coming.
I feel terribly tired, as if all these stimulating things have left me cold and dry, and very much spent.
I even took a longer time waiting to get ready for work…I have so many things going on around me, none of them I enjoy very much. I feel as if my brain is simply tired, and I feel no enjoyment whatsoever. In other days, I would call this burnout, and I would just go and do something else. However, though, I generally feel ill at ease everywhere. Home is not a nice place, as I feel crowded in it… the office is not a nice place, as I feel too bored and stifled in it.
I may have always been different…in a place with inactivity and dissatisfying conditions, I’d feel like I was dying. Dying inside, my spirit would be very heavy. I feel like I was always wondering about something, wondering about my place out there.
Maybe I’m going to die of despair. Maybe I won’t. I do have to be strong though. A lot of people depend on me and what I can do.
But I am tired. I feel uninspired.
I’m feeling this today.
I was watching “Twelve Years A Slave” earlier this morning…in the middle of the morning heat wave, and in the throes of a migraine (or so it felt like it).
Times are not very nice lately, I’ve been feeling down and heavy, plus the way my cousin was clearing her throat every few minutes was really annoying me. I was pretty sure my eyebrows were meeting in the middle all this morning.
I’m glad there were no patients scheduled in the morning. Although I won’t be taking out my frustrations and annoyance on them, I’m pretty sure I’ll make more effort to “expend Psychic energy” and thus make myself more tired afterwards.
Yes, it comes with the job, and I’ve been wanting to see a supervisor lately (I’ll be going to Manila in a couple of weeks for a court case, and some conferences, so I’ll squeeze some time in to see my old consultants (or just one of them)).
I kind of miss Manila. Not the traffic, or the bad things that have happened, but mostly for the freedom to walk around and see more things happening around me. Also, to see Sebastian, that little babe of my bff who has endeared himself to me, chubbiness and all. He is a milky angel, spreading happiness and “gigil” to the highest degree.
Have to book my ticket.
My dearest Sammy, I have taken a long time to get back to writing here again. It seems that every time I think that I can’t write anymore, because I’m too tired and “heavy at heart”, I wind up coming here and writing. I’ve written in so many places ever since, and frankly, I have been hopping around these pages I’ve started.
I haven’t gotten my momentum back…ever since “Tales…” became an open link to my personal life, (i.e. a stalker’s playground) I haven’t had the same flow and creativity online like I’ve had before.
Perhaps it is just as well. I have been perusing my journal’s pages and email and I’ve found my work to be embarrassingly…unedited and coarse. And flighty.
Truly embarrassing work, I believe. Like for example, in one excited moment, I wrote an email to this person, ok, a guy…and when he replied, I could not even read it again. Have I really become so careless?
With the need for secrecy, I’ve dabbled in Google plus…and written for the family only, but…I didn’t like how it all “looked”, so I’m back here on wordpress. At least, with this one, it won’t be too much of a “reveal” because I am sort of working under a pseudonym. :-p
So here I am again, and I hope this’ll be “The One”.